


I Wanted You to Know

by FictionalKnight (Northern_Star)



Category: Marvel 616
Genre: Identity Porn, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-24
Updated: 2010-05-24
Packaged: 2017-10-27 02:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/290537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northern_Star/pseuds/FictionalKnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For <a href="http://skund.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://skund.livejournal.com/"><b>skund</b></a>. Happy belated Birthday! :)  (*cough* I realize your prompt was "identity porn" and that this is more like "identity angst", but I hope you'll like it anyway!)  Also...this is where everyone gets proof of how little I really know of the Avengers. I'm sorry. D:</p>
    </blockquote>





	I Wanted You to Know

**Author's Note:**

> For [](http://skund.livejournal.com/profile)[**skund**](http://skund.livejournal.com/). Happy belated Birthday! :) (*cough* I realize your prompt was "identity porn" and that this is more like "identity angst", but I hope you'll like it anyway!) Also...this is where everyone gets proof of how little I really know of the Avengers. I'm sorry. D:

Iron Man picked himself off the pavement and immediately swiveled to check on his teammates behind him. Steve was down, he noticed, mumbling a curse under his breath. Angered, Iron Man launched every weapon his armor still carried in the direction of their attacker. And then he launched some more. And another round, until there wasn't much firepower left, and the power indicator on his arc reactor had dropped down to dangerous levels. By then, however, Ultron was lying on the pavement in a smoking heap of torn metal and melted electronic components.

Without wasting another second, Iron Man gave the order to the rest of team to clean up the mess, while he rushed over to where Steve still lay on the ground, having not moved an inch since Iron Man had last looked. There was a large gash in Captain America's side and blood was slowly, but steadily oozing out, pooling on the dark asphalt underneath him.

"Cap? Cap! Are you all right?" he asked, the worry in his voice masked by his helmet's computerized voice-altering device.

When Steve didn't respond, Iron Man started to seriously worry. He nudged him, and through one of his armor's sensors tried to read the man's vitals, but that part of the system had been deemed unessential and turned off to preserve power. Jaw clenched tightly, Iron Man pulled off one of his gloves off and gently pressed a finger at Steve's pulse point, right under his jawline. A second later, breathing a sigh of relief at having found a pulse there - weak and irregular, but present - Iron Man swiftly put his glove back on, gently picked Steve up from the ground and, ignoring the armor's warnings about the fact his energy levels were quickly depleting, he flew off in the direction of the Avengers Mansion.

By the time he got there, the armor's power levels were so low, most of the systems, save for the strictly necessary, like the one controling the flow of oxygen, had been taken offline. There wasn't any temperature control inside anymore, and even though Tony Stark was now sweating half to death and would have given away copious amounts of money to be able to remove his armor, he kept it stubbornly on for the next hour and a half, as he stood just a few feet away from where Steve was being patched up and cared for by medically-trained members of their team.

They'd asked him to leave - repeatedly - but he wouldn't. They'd even threatened to have him forcibly removed from the room, but he'd just threatened them back with bodily harm if they tried. There was no way he was going anywhere. It was _Steve_ lying there, badly hurt, and Tony wasn't going to move an inch from where he stood until he was absolutely assured that his friend would pull through. And then once he did, once Steve opened his eyes again, once he was conscious again, _then_ Tony would remove his damn helmet and breathe fresh air again, because then...then he'd be ready to live with the consequences of Steve - and everyone else, eventually - knowing that Iron Man wasn't simply Tony Stark's bodyguard, but the man himself.

He'd been seriously thinking about it for a while already, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to confess to it just yet. The charade had been going on for so long, now. Every single one of the Avengers thought that Iron Man was someone else, and that Tony Stark simply lived at the Mansion because...well, because he owned it. Because it was through his research and genius that Iron Man even existed, and it was his money they used to buy their equipment, their technology, even their food! For all they knew, he was just the eccentric inventor and benefactor who liked to keep a close eye on his investment. They all knew him, they were friendly with him, but he wasn't really part of the team. And Tony had a pretty good idea what would happen if and when he confessed the truth to them. They all trusted one another with their true identities, even he knew who all of them were in their civilian lives, so for him to be somehow above all of that, for him not to trust them when they trusted him, the results would be disastrous. It might break the team up. And worse yet, he'd certainly alienate Steve in the process and that... that was the worst outcome he could possibly think of. This was the one friendship Tony could absolutely not bear to lose. Besides Pepper and Happy, this was the only friendship he _had_.

Most of the rest of the team generally treated Iron Man like he was a hired gun, or someone they should put up with because Tony Stark insisted upon it, and they knew well enough that one shouldn't bit the hand that feeds it. They trained with him when he was around for it, worked with him when it was required, they tolerated him and even sometimes joked with him a little, but they weren't friends with him. Besides, for all they knew, Iron Man wasn't just one person, there were several guys hired to wear the armor, and how could they be friends with someone when they didn't even know who was under the shiny gold and red armor? But Steve... Steve always made a point to reach out to him. He'd been the only one to try and establish some sort of a relationship with Iron Man. Even when Iron Man refused to talk about himself, and refused to reveal his identity, Steve never complained and he still, always, acted as though they were, not simply teammates, but the best of friends.

It was a strange contrast to the way Steve acted around Tony, in fact. He was friendly enough, of course - Tony didn't think that Steve could ever be anything but friendly to anyone but an enemy - but it wasn't the same at all. Steve seemed very intimidated by Tony, though Tony couldn't really figure out why. Perhaps because Tony was rich, or famous, or he had a certain reputation? Or maybe just because Steve owed him for the fact that there was a roof over his head and everything else Tony Stark provided him with, materially speaking, including the ability to fight alongside a team of superheros, as there was little else in the world that Steve Rogers could think of doing with his life than be Captain America. Whatever the reason was, Steve acted differently around Tony, he seemed nervous, his eyes darted around the room sometimes rather than look the man in the eyes, and he never stayed for very long. Most of the time, Steve would come down to Tony's workshop and ask about progress on an upgrade or something related to either Iron Man's suit, or some other piece of technology that Tony was supposed to provide, and he'd leave just as soon as he'd gotten his answer. No small talk, no chit-chat, just the basic necessity and he'd be gone again.

Well, Tony was starting to be sick of it. Really sick. Sure, as Tony Stark, he could have the girls and just about anything else he could possibly wish for, but he felt so lonely and isolated in a business suit, whereas when he was Iron Man...oh, when he was Iron Man, he was someone better, someone people counted on, someone people wanted on their side, and someone who had at least one honest to goodness, actual friend. And that, _that_ was something Tony wanted for himself. It wasn't fair that he should need to wear an armor to have that. Except, of course, it was his own fault that things had turned out this way. If he'd only been truthful and trusting in the first place... but he hadn't been sure these people would even _want_ Tony Stark, skirt-chaser extraordinaire, fighting alongside them. He'd been afraid they'd consider the fact that he had a heart condition, a serious drinking problem, and a libido that knew no end, as major obstacles to his trustworthyness, let alone his usefulness to a team of what could only be considered fighters and soldiers. He hadn't wanted them to know because he'd so badly wanted to be a part of this team, that the sacrifice had seemed worth it at the time.

It didn't anymore.

It seemed like such a bad idea now. Because telling them now, after months of working together, would ruin everything, he was convinced of this. And yet... yet, he couldn't stand the idea that the day might come when something like today happened, and Steve would get injured and not pull through, and that he would die without ever knowing the truth about Iron Man. Or worse yet, that Tony might die in the line of fire, and then he'd never get the chance to explain to Steve why he'd kept his identity a secret for so long. Tony didn't want that. He also didn't want Steve to act so awkward around him. He wanted that friendship they had when he was Iron Man to crossover to his other life. He needed that more than anything.

Truthfully, Tony wanted and needed a whole lot more than just that, but he wasn't quite ready to admit any of it out loud to another living soul. He was fairly sure that Steve Rogers, _Captain America_ , wouldn't want or need any of these things, and certainly not from _him_. But that was all right, Tony told himself. If he could just have that tiny little bit of friendship that he craved so much, he'd make do with that. It was likely more than a guy like him deserved from Captain America anyway.

And sure, Tony was well aware that in removing his helmet and letting go of this secret, he might wreck any and every chance he'd ever had at holding on to this precious friendship, but maybe... maybe if he explained his reasons well enough, then maybe there was some sort of a chance they'd manage to work things out eventually. Tony wasn't an especially patient man - he really had no patience whatsoever - but for this...? For this he'd wait. And then he'd wait longer, if need be. He'd wait until enough time had passed, and enough water had flowed under the bridge, and then wait some more right up until he was forgiven. He'd _wait_.

Tony was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice that Steve had opened his eyes. He barely heard, in fact, when Steve called his name. And then someone waved a hand in front of Iron Man's face and said, "I think he wants to talk to you," and Tony finally took notice of the world around him again. Of course, once he did, he wasn't so sure he wanted to walk up to Steve's bed, take the helmet off and confess. He was scared now. Wasn't it a bad idea to cause recovering patients any form of stress? Tony was pretty sure it was... Of course, what he was most afraid of was the look of displeasure he was certain he'd get from Steve. Steve was going to hate him, he was going to--

"Thanks for having my back," said Steve, a tired smile on his face. "I've always known I could count on you."

Iron Man mumbled a curse through clenched teeth. Screw it, he was going to take off his helmet, and he was going to do it now. Steve was entitled to know who it really was that had gotten him here, and who it was that he'd really been counting on. Besides, everyone else had cleared the room, it seemed. It was now, or it would likely be never.

"There's something I need to tell you," Iron Man said, hesitantly, as he took the few short steps separating him from Steve's bedside. "I-- Please don't hate me."

Steve frowned at him, but said nothing. And then Tony lifted both hands up to his helmet and pulled it off.

Swallowing hard, a look of repentance on his face, Tony managed to force an apology past the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry. I should have told you before."

And then, the strangest thing happened... Steve laughed. Unable to think of a single thing to say, Tony just stared, his jaw hanging open.

When Steve finally stopped laughing, he reached for the glass of water on his nightstand and took a long sip. "You have no idea what a relief this is," he said, grinning.

Tony blinked at him. "Relief?" he asked. "You're not... you're not mad?"

"Mad? Oh, heavens no," Steve replied. "I was hoping it was you under there, Tony." With a rather strangled chuckle, Steve shook his head and added, "I wanted it to be you, you have no idea."

"You--? What? But I thought you... I didn't think you liked me very much at all."

"Did you? I think you and I are going to need to have a talk. A long one."

Tony blinked again. "You don't dislike me," he stated, somehow a little dumbfounded.

"No, Tony, I don't," Steve said, smiling encouragingly. "And I'm glad I really _don't_ have to pick between you and Iron Man. For a while there, I thought I was going to go mad."

"Wha--?"

"I have a few confessions of my own to make, I guess," Steve explained with a small shrug. He closed his eyes then, and added, "When I get back on my feet, okay?"

"Okay," Tony replied, his mind in a whirl.

Reflexively, Tony slid the helmet back on his head before leaving the room. And while a small part of him couldn't help but wonder if this hadn't all just been a product of his imagination - one never could tell when Ultron was involved - the rest of him was much too busy counting his blessing to care.

  
=> end.  



End file.
